Once Aryan Skynet Goes Live It Doesn't Matter Who Pulled The Switch
Competition is fierce in the struggle – the eternal kampf – to seize the iron laurels of New Hitler status. Muammar Gaddafi, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Vladimir Putin, Bashar al-Assad – each has in turn thrust his arm at the sky and hailed the noontide of his destiny.
What about the big hair decade, you ask? Much as Billy Idol or – good God – even David Lee Roth would have relished being crowned New Fuhrer for the nineteen-eighties, these Wotanic dreams were to be gloomily dashed against the crags.
This was, after all, the decade that would see Scarface explode into a pop-cultural prophecy; Miami Vice was on the air, the Beach Boys were playing their sax-drenched paean to romantic getaways in the Caribbean, and so it was inevitable that Hitler reincarnated for the MTV generation would pack his swastika flag and head someplace where the weather was sexy, the women were brown, and cocaine misted the tropical air like clouds of Zyklon B.
Drink in his hand and toes in the sand, New Hitler materialized with a tan and set up shop as the narco-dictator of Panama under the nom de guerre Manuel Noriega, who came to power with CIA sponsorship but bit his master’s hand with increasing displays of political independence.
What was the real motivation behind Panamanian regime change? Barbara Trent’s 1992 documentary The Panama Deception makes a compelling case for ulterior motives involving imperialism and the Panama Canal, while John Perkins of Confessions of an Economic Hitman fame offers further speculation at the sixteen-minute mark in this interview; but to look for the truth is to miss the point and the charm of the New Hitler phenomenon.
This is about the ritual evocation of evil – the periodic and spiritually hygienic mass exorcism of the Hitler waiting to be manifested in every living or inanimate thing or idea that risks discombobulating Jewish sensibilities. Newspapers and television, the decade’s adepts and oracles in the arcana of New Hitler divination, were quick to sprinkle and bless the blood and guts of their priestly craft in the treatment of the buildup, execution, and aftermath of the American invasion of Panama in December of 1989.
Georgie Anne Geyer of Universal Press fretted in 1986 that “there is evidence that the Noriega group has been plotting to kill one of the finest men in Panama, Roberto Eisenmann, publisher of the courageous and singularly independent newspaper, La Prensa.” Geyer then went on to bristle that “The United States, with all of its power in Panama, certainly has options open.”
“Panama’s troubles,” wrote Reid Miller of the Associated Press in 1987, were “marked by mysticism and anti-Semitism.” General Noriega, Miller informed his readers, “is said by associates to seek guidance from Haitian spiritualists and wears an onyx ring to ward off harmful spirits.” The irrational atmosphere of hatred stirred up by the narco-dictator in his brainwashed masses of minions was surely to blame for these experiences of Panama’s Jews:
The local chapter of B’nai B’rith said Jews had been the target of “accusations, criticisms and intimidatory threats bearing extraordinary similarity to those used in Nazi Germany.”
B’nai B’rith offered no examples but said “both right and left have mentioned Jews in their political arguments, using slogans and clichés of the most shameful anti-Semitism.”
Noriega’s personal effects – his Nazi regalia – did not disappoint when his compound was finally raided two days before Christmas in 1989. As AP confirmed, the U.S. Southern Command had chased a bona fide Hitler-Satan out of its hiding place in the belly of this banana reich:
American troops who stormed Gen. Manuel Noriega’s quarters found photographs of Adolf Hitler and Mother Teresa, a voodoo witches’ brewery and a packet of cocaine wrapped in a banana leaf, U.S. officers say.
The ousted dictator’s homes and offices also contained items ranging from [anti-Semitic totems commonly called] Christmas trees to high-powered arms as well as a collection of pornography […]
A bucket in an upstairs bathroom of one house was filled with a rusty-red looking substance identified as blood. An officer said he did not know what kind of creature the blood came from or what it was used for.
Officers said soldiers who burst into the house on the first day of U.S. intervention here Tuesday narrowly missed capturing four voodoo witches from Brazil. […]
The general’s office in Panama’s military barracks at Fort Amador had two display cases containing plastic frogs, electronic toys such as a video wristwatch and framed pictures of Hitler, Mother Teresa, and Libyan leader Moammar Ghadafi. His downtown office was adorned with Christmas trees, more electronics and more frogs.
Pornography was found at both offices […]
And so the nifty nineteen-eighties could finally be laid to peaceful rest, their Hitler having been deprived of his self-adulatory framed portrait, porn stash, and millions of emaciated frog victims of Mengele-like experiments which would, otherwise, inevitably have served as the prelude to the real thing.