Once Aryan Skynet Goes Live It Doesn't Matter Who Pulled The Switch
Paul Du Chaillu, an American explorer of the nineteenth century, recorded the following sexual custom among the peoples of equatorial Africa:
A man pays goods or slaves for his wife, and regards her, therefore, as a piece of merchandise. Young girls – even children in arms – are married to old men for political effect. The idea of love, as we understand it, seems unknown to the Africans.1
Francis Moore, an explorer of the previous century, elaborated on a peculiar means by which the Africans made disobedient women behave. This was Mumbo Jumbo, “an idol, which is among the Mandingoes a kind of cunning mystery.”
This is a thing invented by the men to keep their wives in awe, who are so ignorant (or at least are obliged to pretend to be so) as to take it for a wild man; and indeed no one but he who knows it would take it to be a man, by reason of the dismal noise it makes, and which but few of the natives can manage. It never comes abroad but in the night time, which makes it have the better effect. Whenever the men have any dispute with the women, this Mumbo Jumbo is sent for to determine it; which is, I may say, always in favor of the men.2
John Leighton Wilson, a nineteenth century American missionary living in West Africa, also had an encounter with Mumbo Jumbo, and left this piquant description:
When invoked by an injured husband, he appears about the outskirts of the village at dusk, and commences all sorts of pantomimes. After supper, he ventures to the town hall, where he commences his antics, and every grown person, male or female, must be present, or subject themselves to the suspicion of having been kept away by a guilty conscience. The performance is kept up until midnight, when Mumbo suddenly springs with the agility of the tiger upon the offender, and chastises her most soundly, amidst the shouts and laughter of the multitude, in which the other women join more heartily than anybody else, with the view, no doubt, of raising themselves above the suspicion of such infidelity.3
All of this serves as the background to an unfortunate case of culture shock that, due to authorities’ incomprehension, has led to the wrongful incarceration of an innocent African-American gentleman merely accessing the richness of his ancestral heritage and the tradition of the invocation of Mumbo Jumbo this past week. The Smoking Gun reports:
A South Carolina man called 911 early this morning to complain that his girlfriend would not have sex with him, according to an arrest report.
When a cop responded to his Spartanburg residence, Patrick Doggett, 53, “stated he called 911 because his girlfriend, Ms. Faye Woodruff, would not give him any ass.”
Woodruff told police that Doggett had been drinking all day and “didn’t know where he was at.” She added that Doggett got into bed and wanted to have sex, but “she had her grandchild with her.”
So, Woodruff noted, Doggett “got up and then dialed 911.”
Doggett, who was outside the residence drinking an alcoholic beverage when police arrived, was arrested for public intoxication and booked into the county jail (where he remains locked up this afternoon).
Pictured above, Doggett has not been cited for misusing the 911 system, according to jail records.
The gods must be crazy.